01 February 2008

Business News

Microsoft steps up to the plate, making a $44 billion bid for Yahoo! in a move that crushed Google stocks when the Dow opened on Friday.

Business pundits immediately bombarded spokespeople about what the proposed tech behemoth would be called. According to reports, Microsoft spokesman Jeffers Slage was overheard telling Andrew Ross Sorkin of The New York Times that the two tech giants will "leverage our companies' global brand equity and reform as Microhoo!"

For years insiders have known, or at least speculated, that Microsoft was courting the search pioneer, but even Wall Street was shocked by Friday's announcement.

An anonymous source at Goldman Sachs approved of the move, but cautioned that consolidation and integration improperly executed can leave a mess too rough to clean up.

"There are inordinate possibilities here. It's the most viable link to both companies' futures, but big mergers of established powerhouses take time and can produce irreversible results. We didn't need Microhoo! or whatever the hell they're calling it to go the way of any number of mergers. Cultures collide and you have an AOL-Time Warner on your hands. Don't tell anyone that, though. This business conversation is off the record.

That said, we're expecting that Google will respond to the merger by buying the newly-formed Microhoo! to become one of the most frightening companies ever conceived."

Google's stock dropped 9% on Friday.

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